Mirror Theory

A study on Body Dysmorphia (in the style of Danez Smith)

every reflection bends like a fun house
mirror, except there's no fun in this house
of glass & bones. my body refuses
to tell me the truth. takes the image
& twists it like saltwater taffy:
stretches skin into miles of excess,
curves every line into mountain ranges
i cannot climb. what is the theory
of a body that exists in two spaces
the one i live in & the one i see?
scientists say matter cannot be created
or destroyed, but baby, i am making
& unmaking myself with every glance.

quantum physics suggests multiple universes
exist simultaneously & i believe it
because i inhabit at least two:
the one where my flesh spreads
like an oil spill & the one where others
live, pointing to bones that could slice
paper. tell me: which universe is real?
which body should i believe? light bends
around black holes & maybe that's what i am
a gravity well of self-perception, bending
every reflection into nightmare shapes.

in the bathroom at 3am, counting
ribs like rosary beads, i wonder
if Schrödinger's cat ever looked
in the mirror & saw itself both
alive & dead at once. my body is
both too much & not enough,
an equation that refuses to balance.
they say the observer effect changes
the observed & maybe that's the problem
i've looked at myself so long
i've changed what was there. 

Tonight i cover every mirror in the house,
drape them like mourning shrouds.
tomorrow i'll try to believe
in the physics of healing:
for every action of hatred
there must be an equal
& opposite reaction of love.
but for now, i am quantum
existing in multiple states
of being & unbeing,
waiting for someone to open
the box & tell me which one is real.