small gods of worry

(Anxiety - in style of Rupi Kaur)

my anxiety wears
a watch that only counts
heartbeats

it measures time
in what-ifs
and maybes

there are small gods
living in my chest
they feed on
tomorrow's troubles

i try to make peace
with them
offer them
cups of chamomile tea
and long baths

but they prefer
3 am calculations
of everything
that could go wrong

someone told me
to breathe
into paper bags
but my breaths
keep missing
their mark

anxiety is the art
of turning
soft things sharp

pillows become
mountains
phone calls become
wars

i am learning
to speak
their language:
rapid pulse
sweaty palms
racing thoughts

they say
home is where
the heart is
but what if
your heart lives
in fight or flight

sometimes
i leave food
at their altar:
medications
therapy appointments
breathing exercises

sometimes
they accept
my offerings

most times
they demand more

but i am learning
that these gods
are not immortal
that even panic
has a lifespan

and sometimes
when i remember this
they become smaller
just enough
to fit in my pocket
where i can carry them
without breaking